Category Archives: Family

Family Memories

August 11, 2024 · 5:49 pm

What I Have Learned in 40 Years of Marriage

Today my wife and I have been married for 40 years!  That seems like a long time, yet it also seems that it was just last week we said, “I do”. 

Coming up to this milestone I’ve been thinking about those years, filled with so many experiences, people and places, and what I’ve learned in that time.  What I’ve learned about marriage? About my spouse? About myself? About life?

So, here’s a list of 40 thoughts that in some way partly encapsulate my learnings:

  1. People are more important than projects.  The most important person in my life is my spouse. That hasn’t changed despite children, grandchildren, friends, etc.
  2. It is not good for man (especially this man) to be alone.  I learned this one the hard way. No job is worth separation – even if the separation is planned or supposed to be temporary.
  3. Family matters way more than career and other superfluous goals.
  4. Ministry is much easier when one’s life partner also feels called.
  5. Sometimes silence speaks more than words.  This can be true both positively and negatively.
  6. That “do not let the sun go down on your anger” scripture? (Eph. 4:26) Good advice.
  7. Being married to “the queen of small talk” is a gift when one is an introvert.
  8. Teachers need about a two-week adjustment period when school is out for summer or starting back up in the fall.  Just stay out of the way, be helpful, and be understanding.
  9. Some of the things that seemed important and worrisome, can age into funny memories.
  10. As long as you share common core values, its ok to have other interests, habits and hobbies.
  11. Be flexible.
  12. Learning to say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” early in a relationship will avoid a lot of grief along the way.
  13. There is no greater sorrow than your child’s sorrow, no greater joy than your child’s joy.  Having a spouse with whom to share this is a blessing.
  14. Change should be expected in any relationship, especially a long tenured marriage.
  15. Being married to your best friend is always having someone in your corner.
  16. Big decisions are best made after sleeping on it.
  17. When you say “yes” to a job, you should give that job your best effort.  There’s no excuse for not working hard.
  18. When you work at something you love, it hardly seems like work.  Marriage is work, but it needn’t be toilsome.
  19. Marriage is like a book – lot’s of chapters, some more interesting than others, but each essential to the story.
  20. Communication is to a marriage what water is to a fish.
  21. It truly doesn’t help to worry about tomorrow, each day does have enough trouble of it’s own.  (Matthew 6:34)
  22. If it makes your spouse feel better to watch the breaking weather report ad nauseum, put in your headphones or go to the other room.
  23. If it makes your spouse feel better to read all the latest Boilermaker news – you’ve got a pretty great spouse!
  24. When in public your teacher spouse is identified, stopped and talked to; just realize how many lives she’s helped shape and form and be thankful!
  25. Tell your wife “I’ll be in the car” before you leave to go to the car.
  26. Don’t wait until after you turn on the water to brush your teeth before you share something important.
  27. Understand this: Cleaning is to Lori what lawn and garden work is to Dan – a happy place!
  28. Moses had Aaron; Dan had Lori.  Neither one would’ve made it in ministry without their person.
  29. A farmer once told me as we welcomed our first child: “Dan, with every child you’re going to drop another rung down the ladder.” Three kids and soon to be five grandkids later, I’m just thankful she keeps me on the ladder
  30. Cereal can be good for supper, not just breakfast.
  31. Life is better when you travel in pairs.  (Genesis 2:24; Genesis 7; Luke 10:1)
  32. In hindsight, God’s got this!
  33. Being married to someone who can close down any public building because there’s someone to talk to, you get used to it.  Builds patience.
  34. Always make friends with the custodian.  These are important people who work hard and deserve respect. 
  35. The sun will come out tomorrow.  Might be behind the clouds, or only seen in a “sun break”, but it’s out there somewhere.
  36. The “love language” thing?  It’s valid. We don’t all give or receive love in the same way.  It’s worth learning your spouses love language.
  37. In the end “it’s just money”.  Generosity wears better than an attitude of scarcity.
  38. You can never imagine where and what a lifetime together will reveal, be thankful you get to explore it a day at a time.
  39. On their 40th Anniversary I asked my father-in-law when he and my mother-in-law had been most happy.  He said, in his dry wit, five minutes here, five minutes there.  But you know?  Those five minutes add up – be happy!
  40. “For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health” is a vow to be lived into and to stick with.  Easier said than done?  Not really.  Not when you love the one who’s meeting you part-way.

Happy Anniversary!

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October 13, 2023 · 4:30 pm

Rocky Mountain High

When I was about 15 years old I got an acoustic guitar for Christmas. Using a John Denver song book I taught myself to play some basic chords (G,C,D) and commenced my season of life as a troubadour of folk music – ala JD. This was also my song writing chapter of life, which lasted about four to five years and mostly revolved around aspirations to live in the Rocky Mountains. I figured if it was good enough for John, it would be good for me.

In fairness, it wasn’t the folk music alone that drew me west. There had been a couple of family vacations where I was exposed to the American west and the Rockies in particular. Perhaps the best such vacation occurred one year when, due to some mechanical vehicular concerns, our plans changed and we spent an entire week in Rocky Mountain National Park. I loved it! We camped, hiked, picnicked, hiked, went to campfire ranger talks, hiked and just enjoyed the beauty of that place.

A couple of years later, as I graduated high school, I pitched taking a summer job in RMNP to my parents. That idea went nowhere, but it illustrated the magnetism the mountains held for me. Years later my family would know a closer proximity to mountains as we lived for a brief time in the Pacific Northwest. One of the true blessings of that time was a view out my office window, on a clear day, that featured Mt. Rainier in the distance. Indeed the view scape of the Cascade Range, mirrored to the west by the Olympic range is hard to beat.

Several family vacations have taken us back west, and back to RMNP, including just this past week. We have a son and daughter-in-law who now make their home in Denver (maybe it’s in the genes?) and enjoy the beauty and adventure the Colorado outdoors has to offer. It’s always good to reconnect with them, and the landscapes they love, and to be able to see and hear about life in the mountain west through their experiences.

Psalm 121:1-2 says, I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and the earth.

This psalm has long been a favorite and captures my image of God as Creator. Oceans are great, and have their vast beauty, but for me it’s mountains that speak to God’s grand design. They stand as vast sentinels pointing upward, bearing witness to the One who called them forth. Time in the mountains, for me, is soul settling. It offers a reset, causing one to consider the finitude of one’s life in contrast to the magnitude of God’s grandeur.

Here’s how my 15 or 16 year old self once wrote & sang about these things: I dream of the mountains, the life that I long for; my quest for the freedom to climb to the sky. They tower above me in beauty and splendor, their greatness and stillness I see with my eye.
Yes God made the mountains and forest below them, the lakes and the streams that are part of the sights. So when I am in them, I’ll give God the glory and thanks for the wonder and majestic heights.

For the mountains are God’s work, the display of the Artist, they are part of creation reaching up to the sky. And since God made the mountains, in all of their beauty, who can picture the heavens we’ll see when we die?

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August 29, 2022 · 9:01 am

The Ways We Say Goodbye

I have long been a student of human behavior. Even as a kid I can remember thinking about how people said goodbye in such different ways. Whenever Dad called the house from work and one of us kids answered, he was pretty cut and dry. He stated the purpose of his call, asked his questions and hung up. I hardly ever remember my dad formally saying goodbye. Even when I watched him at work, taking orders over the phone, he would conclude the call with something like, “Well, Ok then” and drop the receiver.

My mother made much more of a production of saying goodbye. She would insist on a hug and kiss on the cheek, and demand reciprocation. She lingered over the goodbyes she gave her children and grandchildren. You could not in good conscience depart her home without participating in the goodbye ritual.

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July 22, 2022 · 8:30 am

A Tribute to Mom K.

When it comes to mother-in-laws I won the lottery. That’s not just sentimental hyperbole, I believe it to be true. I write this as the Kline family prepares itself to pay tribute to and honor their matriarch, Joan J. Kline, who passed from this life on July 16, 2022. After a life well-lived (95 years and 9 months) she finished her race.

I first met Mrs. K in the Fall of 1982. The campus ministry of which her daughter Lori and I were participants held a retreat at Tippecanoe Baptist Camp. We stayed in the recently constructed lodge and were hosted by the Kline’s, in their role as resident camp managers. Mrs. K cooked for us and saw to any hospitality needs we might have had.

A few months later I found myself as a guest in her home, as members of that same campus ministry group had shared a deputation service at the Miami Baptist Church. Lunch, with all the fixins was provided by Mom K, with Mr. K. assisting. It was obvious then that large groups of people did not phase her, in fact she thrived in those moments.

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June 6, 2022 · 3:51 pm

Mirage Meanderings

According to Merriam-Webster a “mirage” is “an optical effect that is sometimes seen at sea, in the desert, or over hot pavement.” It may have the appearance of a pool of water, but it is an illusory or unattainable reality. It also happens to be the name Mitsubishi gave its compact hatchback – an economy car if ever one was made – which I recently drove on vacation over 1500 miles in the great American West.

Our trip took us from Denver, Colorado to Phoenix, Arizona along a circuitous route that passed through Alamosa, CO; Moab, UT; Williams, Flagstaff and Sedona AZ. Along the way we hiked, explored and photographed five national parks, a national monument, a couple of tourist traps, two of America’s metropolitan centers, and some state and local municipal parks. We spent time with family & friends and had plenty of windshield time to reflect.

As I coaxed the aforementioned Mirage up and over mountain passes, through valleys, forests and deserts, even managing once or twice to pass slower traffic; I kept coming back to the irony of its name in connection with it’s performance. While it had the “illusory” appearance of a car, you had to make an appointment with the accelerator to get up to speed. Long term comfort was “unattainable” given they way it hugged the pavement, revealing each and every crack, crevasse, seal, bump, alteration and pothole. Loading luggage was equivalent to working a jigsaw puzzle, as it only fit in one particular configuration. There was plenty of time for thinking with road noise making conversation challenging. And more than once we had a hard time locating where we had parked the thing, given it’s knack for disappearing between larger vehicles.

Please do not get me wrong. This first world problem of transportation did not inhibit our trip or in any lasting way make us suffer. We made all our planned connections, saw the destinations we had counted on, and rediscovered the beauty and wonder of our nation. It was a wonderful vacation on which the Mirage became something we laughed about. Sometimes it even surprised us, proving advantageous when it came to parking in crowded lots and prompting a smile at the gas pump.

In today’s hectic and turbulent world, a vacation can be as illusory or unattainable for some as a mirage. Our ten plus days in the West and Southwest afforded a disengagement from the news as well as the responsibilities of daily life. I disciplined myself not to check work email, to mostly stay away from news sources, and shun social media. Still, the harsh and horrid scenes of the war in Ukraine, and mass shooting in Uvalde came forth. When, if ever, might those individuals find days of extended leisure, travel, or disengagement from life’s hard truths? Such dreams must seem a mirage.

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